Optimal Copy - SEO Copywriting Blog

By Karon Thackston

Sometimes choosing which company to buy from is about like
deciding which brand of canned peas is the best. To make matters
worse, the copy on most websites doesn’t offer any help.

There are three major offenders in copywriting that I see
constantly on the Internet. The first is generic copy that offers
no specific differentiation points — in other words, reasons why
the visitor should choose you instead of the thousands of other
sites that are just a click away. The second is overused fluff
copy that has no substance. And the third? Using company-focused
copy (”we” and “us”) instead of customer-focused (”you” and
“your”). It’s the third offender I want to address in this
article.

I am literally shocked that — after decades of marketing
evangelists preaching “It’s not about you!” — website owners
still don’t get it. What’s not to understand? Copy that focuses
strictly on your company and practically or completely ignores
your prospects doesn’t work nearly as well as copy that speaks to
your target customers in their language and about the benefits
they will receive.

I discussed this very topic with SEO friend Jill Whalen
recently, and she commented, “I think people don’t understand how
to write to the customer instead of about their company.” Perhaps
my cohort is right. So, in an effort to educate, let’s look at
several before and after scenarios.

Company-Focused Copy Examples

It’s as if this web design firm has intentionally made an effort
to ignore their site visitors. They use their company name, “the
client,” “customers,” and practically every other word to
describe who is reading the page. Except, that is, the most
important: you. You must address the one, single person who is
reading your web page at any given moment, not a collective
population of people.

ABC Web Design is dedicated to customer service. We make great
strides to offer high levels of customer service and
communication with clients. As a small company, we understand
one-on-one service is needed. Our designers have developed
hundreds of small-business websites and we make the process
simple. Contact us for pricing and a free consultation today.

Do you see that not a single “you” is used? The site visitor is
never addressed. It’s all about the company. Now let’s change it
to be about the customer:

ABC Web Design is dedicated to your success, promising high
levels of customer service and communication. You’ll be kept up
to date — on a one-to-one basis — about the progress of your
project. Relying on years of experience, your web designer makes
the creation process simple, guiding you through every step.
Contact us for pricing and a free consultation today.

Here’s another example.

We have the finest contractors in the marketplace today. Our
kitchen experts have been recruited from the most successful
companies. XYZ Kitchen Remodeling Company of Kalamazoo has the
support of a large network with over 300 reliable and
professional kitchen remodeling contractors serving most of North
America.

Here’s the rewrite:

When you want to work with the finest contractors in the
marketplace, XYZ Kitchen Remodeling Company of Kalamazoo answers
the call. Not only will you benefit from using experienced
kitchen experts, your renovation is backed by the support of the
largest network of kitchen remodelers. That gives you the
knowledge and skills of over 300 reliable, professional kitchen
remodeling contractors in North America.

See the difference? Is it a sin to use the words “us” or “our”?
Certainly not, but your copy should be weighted far more heavily
with customer-oriented words than company-focused ones. Tell
visitors about your service, your results and your experience.
But do so in a way that makes them and their success the center
of the copy.

When you keep the focus on your company, you prevent your target
customer from knowing the benefits they’ll reap after working
with you. However, when you adjust your focus, you shine a bright
light helping visitors to quickly see why you’re the best choice
for them.

Karon Thackston creates customer-focused copy that connects and
converts. If you’re struggling with copy that doesn’t perform,
contact Karon today through http://www.MarketingWords.com for
online copywriting or copywriting training.

By Eric S. Gregory

Ah, Portland, Oregon. Bluer than the Pacific Ocean—bluer even than the Democratic Party’s collective blood. Where success is measured by how well your comfort and success accord with doing the “right thing.” Where compassion and creativity share a bottom line and an extended vision. Where marketing that bottom line means you capitalize with words like “creative,” “authentic,” “unique,” “independent,” “progressive,” “experimental,” “original,” and so on ad naseum. Where ideas “inevitably overflow outside traditional worlds” [wk.com - Weiden & Kennedy]. Where the “magic” a company has to offer exceeds the product, extending into and is “deeply ingrained in giving back to the community” [www.hannaandersson.com - Hanna Andersson]. Where companies are “as responsible as we are profitable, and committed to doing good with the resources we have” [www.keenfootwear.com - Keen Footwear].

Now I’m not suggesting that these marketing templates and conceptual strategies are strictly located to and from Portland, Oregon. Turn on your on demand digital cable in high def and you’ll quickly recognize many of the same catchphrases, keywords, and “responsible” products calling your name. So is this turn towards a marketing voice rooted in “doing the right thing” (which naturally always includes making a profit) then more of a generalized transnational strategy? Of course it is. But I’d still argue that this trend grew, developed, and was perfected here in Portland, and that at the very least, it’s representative of the marketing moves popularized by the big name Portland success stories. People in Portland are typically very comfortable. The climate and pace of life are almost too moderate. We’re politically progressive (duh), we’re concerned with a balanced quality of life. But most of all, we think ahead. We can live for tomorrow because we’re situated quite well today. And the metropolitan area attracts a certain breed of American: typically young (under 40), college-educated, white—I realize I’m stating the obvious here—but perhaps above all else, Portland attracts “responsible creatives.” And responsible creative types are going to best know how to create, push, and market products to other responsible creative types. We Portland marketers want to sell our product, our brand name, our website, etc. to ourselves (or someone who looks and lives a lot like us).

Now this may not be news to those of us who map and make these strategies. Then again, perhaps it is. I’d suggest that the Portland Principle (a cool phrase invented by my business partner which suggested something, some kind of a general trend—and now here I am filling in that “je ne sais quoi” with a specific definition) has outlived its usefulness. This ultimate consumer—the Columbia Sportswear-clad chick who lives in the condo unit just below you—the one who drives a Subaru outback with the “Keep Portland Weird” and the “Re-Defeat Bush” bumper stickers, who jogs every other morning with Hugo, her Weimaraner, whom you never see on the weekends because she’s out hiking or kayaking or whatever godawful recreation this particular type regularly engages in, who religiously recycles (except for those occasional mornings when she’s way too hungover), who isn’t quite sure whether she’s going to vote for Hilary or Obama because they both seem kind of untrustworthy, but she certainly isn’t going to vote for a “crazy” like Kucinich—or maybe she will. She read something on Salon.com about how he’s attracting more and more deep-thinking twentysomethings and that must mean something, right? Must our copy always be scripted and delivered to the specific needs and impulses of this (completely fictional–and I might add, unimaginatively so) ultimate consumer? I don’t think so. I think people like her are tired—or at the very least—uninspired by copy that relentlessly retreads the same progressive ground over and over and over again (and if a cardboard character like this one is bored by such marketing copy, imagine the response of the woman who actually lives in the condo unit below yours).

I’m hereby throwing down the gauntlet to local and national copywriters and editors. When asked to script the “About” page for your employer or contractor, try not to write that such and such a firm “is an independent, creatively led fill in the blank that creates strong and provocative relationships between good companies and their consumers” [www.wk.com] (I’m picking on Wieden & Kennedy because they, perhaps more than any other Portland-located firm, represent the success of this so-called “Portland Principle,” and because they specialize in original and creative idea-making). I’m not suggesting I have any specific answers or even general directions to move towards aside from a move away from clichés about “caring relationships with communities and the natural world at large.” I’m suggesting that hip will always be shackled by its own localized and temporal attachments. I would like to see smart and successful copywriting move beyond hip. Language is arguably all we have to bend our cages. Let’s use what we’ve got. And let’s all breathe a little. It’s the right thing to do.

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